SafeHouse: Leaving Prostituion

Thank you for inviting me to be with you today. I’m hoping that the presence of Catholics among us today will be a blessing on your community. Actually, it is fitting that I be here because your fellowship and my religious congregation, although different in core beliefs, hold many of the same principles and purposes. A few of the values that are listed in your documents are: the inherent worth and dignity of every person; justice, equity and compassion in human relations; the goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. Let me read a passage from the Constitution of the Sisters of the Presentation -- the congregation to which I belong -- our foundress, Nano Nagle, began our religious congregation in Cork, Ireland in 1775. This is what our document says:

Nano Nagle’s deep, personal union with God and love of neighbor kindled herresponse to the pressing needs of her day and led her to spend herself in works of compassion and justice. She suffered with those who had not been treated in accord with their human dignity; she understood those who were caught in a web of poverty, those who were sick, aged, lonely or otherwise deprived of the basic necessities of life.

and

In 2004 our Sisters adopted the following: The cry of those made poor and the cry of the earth call us to continue the mission of Jesus to bring forth a sustainable society founded on respect for earth, universal human rights, economic justice, and a culture of peace.

In addition, the Unitarian Universalists are no strangers to me. Not only is my cousin, Gene, a member of your fellowship but each year at the retreat center where I work, Vallombrosa Retreat Center in Menlo Park, the Unitarian Universalist Retired Ministers and Partners Association UURMAPA are our guests during their annual gathering. Someday, we may also have the pleasure of hosting you as our guests.

I’m here today to tell you about how SafeHouse began. I’ll give you some statistics, tell you a story, and explain how the program works.

In March of 1997, my friend, Reverend Glenda Hope a Presbyterian Minister called and invited me to join her for lunch - she had a proposal to make. Reverend Hope’s ministry is in the Tenderloin in San Francisco and one of her principal responsibilities is presiding at memorials for homeless men and women who have died on the streets or in residences in the Tenderloin. In the two preceding weeks she had conducted memorial services for two young prostituted women who had been murdered by their johns. One was beaten to death; the other shot to death. Glenda was inviting me and the Sisters of the Presentation to join her in establishing a safe house in San Francisco for women who want to get out of the life of prostitution.

Each of us, in our own way, has experienced God’s intervention in our lives. Sometimes in subtle, gentle ways, sometimes in bold and dramatic ways. Well, for me, this God moment came boldly, dramatically, loudly and clearly. Just weeks before, we had discovered some writings of our foundress, Nano Nagle, in which she said that the next project she wanted to begin in Cork, Ireland, was establishing safe havens for boy and girl prostitutes. However she realized that this would not be accomplished in her lifetime and that she would have to leave that work to her sisters to do.

So, here we were, some 215 years later on the other side of the world, being invited to fulfill her dream. Glenda and I often mused about the fact that the problem of prostitution is so huge and we are so small. Then we remember the words of Edward Everett Hale, statesman, author and Universalist minister:

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do, and what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do.

Confident that we were about God’s work, I presented the plan to our sisters and after many months of prayer and discernment, on November 20, 1997 at a press conference held at our Motherhouse in San Francisco, Reverend Glenda Hope and I formally announced the January 1998 opening date for a SafeHouse for women wanting to leave prostitution. The house is the first of its kind in San Francisco and only the fourth that Glenda and I have been able to find in existence in the United States. The others are in Chicago, Los Angeles and Waikiki.

Although founded by two religious organizations, the purpose of SafeHouse is not to honor any Catholic saints or Presbyterian clergy or, for that matter, to recruit followers to Christianity. If a woman wants spiritual counsel it will be provided for her. But the function of the safe house is to provide a long-term intensely supportive environment for women who want to escape prostitution.

Some statistics about prostituted women:

• They come from all cultures and all colors
• Most have children
• 90% have addiction problems: drugs, alcohol, food. Most have psychological problems and many suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
• 90% of prostituted women were abused as children and 65-75% of them were victims of long-term incest.
• Fewer than 50% have completed high school and many are illiterate
• More that 85% have never worked any other job but prostitution.
• 14 is the average age when girls begin prostituting. One of our women was put out to prostitution, by her father, at age 9.
• At SafeHouse, our youngest resident was nineteen; our oldest is 59. The average age of our residents is 38.

Since its inception in 1998, 140 women have entered our program - some staying for as little as one day; others, completing the program in 18-24 months; 27 left the program and then returned. Of all the women who have come to SafeHouse, 20 have graduated and continue to be successful. This rate of success (approximately 15%) doesn’t sound too impressive. But think about if for a moment.

Let me tell you a story. I’ll call her K. K was born addicted to crack cocaine. She and her sister were taken from their mother and put up for adoption. A couple adopted both girls so that as siblings they could grow up together - sounds like a story with a happy ending, doesn’t it? Not so. The adoptive father began molesting both girls when there were 4 and 6 years of age. When his birth sons were old enough, he introduced them to sex with the girls. The entire time this abuse was going on, K and her sister were told that if they said anything about what was happening, they would be separated from one another and be adopted by two other families who would hurt them even more.

So, K, began life on the streets at age 15 - she worked the streets for 40 years, came to SafeHouse at 55 years of age to begin to turn her life around. Can you imagine what it would be like to turn your life completely around after 11 years of incest and 40 years of prostituting? K’s wounds are deep and complex - before coming to SafeHouse, K had known nothing but degradation, confusion and self loathing. I can’t begin to tell you how much respect and admiration I have for every woman who has the courage to come through the doors at SafeHouse. While she continues to fight uphill battles, K’s story is successful. She graduated from our program, lives in government sponsored housing with her children and does housekeeping work in a major hotel in San Francisco. She returns, often, to SafeHouse to speak to the residents and to model for them that it is possible to escape from the life and the identity of prostitution.

You may have noticed that I don’t speak of our women as prostitutes but as prostituted women - when you remember how most of them got into the life, you realize that they are victims.

The women we serve come to us from the city jail, (the latest statistics from the office of the District Attorney in San Francisco are from 2003. The report shows that there were 1,305 arrests for prostitution) from de-tox centers and from homeless shelters. The only requirements for them to come to SafeHouse are that they are clean and sober and that they will commit themselves to the program.

The Program

When a woman enters SafeHouse she is in the "Buddy System" for at least one month. During this time she is accompanied by a staff member, a volunteer, or another resident each time she leaves the house. She may not receive visitors, phone calls, or use the internet. The purpose of this phase is to see if she demonstrates the ability and willingness to stay clean and sober and to abstain from sex work. She writes her autobiography, is given a household chore and is expected to keep her bedroom in order. (One woman had never used a clothes hanger. She and her mother lived in a car or on the street and kept all their clothes in large plastic bags.) During this phase she is expected to actively participate in the community and to attend and participate in on-site groups.

When she feels she can move on from the Buddy System she may apply to enter Phase 1 of the program. During this phase she can leave the premises unaccompanied and is eligible for a 6pm curfew. The focus of this phase is to attend day treatment programs, to identify her issues, and to take care of her physical well being. She will have a complete physical examination, dental work and a psychological work-up. She begins weekly therapy sessions and weekly meetings with the on- site Case Manager.

The "Site for Sore Eyes" vision store provides a vision exam and one pair of glasses to any woman who needs them. During this phase she will begin to make a financial contribution to the program. If she’s on General Assistance and food stamps, SSI, or Social Security she contributes 1/3 of the amount she receives; if she’s working she contributes 20% of her salary. Dealing with money is a huge problem for all of the women. During this phase a course in money management is offered. Another major issue is nutrition. Each woman has a turn at meal planning, shopping, and preparing the evening meal. During this time she keeps a daily journal and identifies specific behaviors she needs to work on. After 3 months in this phase she can apply to move on to Phase 2.

The focus of Phase 2 is to begin to create an outside support network. During this time, the woman will be expected to attend regular 12-step meetings (at least three each week) and begin to work with a sponsor. She is eligible for a 9 pm curfew for outings and a 10 pm curfew for 12-step meetings. She must complete a computer skills class, and a course on sexually transmitted disease. She’s expected to volunteer outside of SafeHouse for at least 40 hours, and to open a savings account. This phase ordinarily lasts 5 to 6 moths when she is eligible to move to phase 3.

Phase 3 begins a new direction in her recovery. Her focus shifts from early recovery (identifying issues and modifying behavior) to developing skills for independent living. Also there will be a shift from programming to educational and vocational development. She may attend classes or look for employment. If she has not completed high school, she works on earning her GED (graduation equivalency diploma) Her Friday and Saturday night curfew is 11:00 pm and she is eligible for overnight passes. As much as possible she is expected to contribute to the household and to be an active participant in the community. Throughout the program she continues medical and dental care and weekly therapy. She is also expected to do 40 hours of volunteer work and to continue weekly meetings with the Case Manager. As she becomes more self-directed, more focused on her future and more independent, she can prepare for graduation. I have never been to a graduation where there are more tears, more good wishes, and more hopes for the future than one at SafeHouse.

When a woman graduates from SafeHouse, we assure that she has a stable living environment to go to, and is either employed or going on for further education. Finding employment is often a challenge. What is one of the first questions asked in a job interview? And it’s always a question that is intended to put us at ease: "Tell me about your last job". You may remember that one of the statistics on prostitution is that 85% of the women have worked no other job than prostitution! Several of our graduates work in organizations that address questions of trafficking, prostitution and homelessness and as someone once said, "they’re able to go from their misery to their ministry". One of our graduates was recently promoted to head of housekeeping for a major hotel in San Francisco and clearly, there’s hope for her future. Please pray that for every woman who enters SafeHouse there’s hope for her future.

In closing, I would like to read excerpts from a song, "My Story - Victims of Prostitution":

And you, who in your face bear
      the sleep of sleepless nights
      than aguish of lost hopes,
You who drag
      the weight of frustration and weariness
      from being so much used and never loved.
You who are the victims of a society
      that bred unemployment and hunger,
      that led you to exchange body for bread,
      that extracts pleasure from you and refuses you a name
      that hides you that it may exploit you,
      and keeps you beyond the pale. . .
You, who live in the forbidden streets,
      so often visited and trodden.
You, who are looked upon as lost women,
      albeit so sought after and never found.
You, who guard in your heart,
And reveal to those who have eyes to see,
      the flame and the ardour,
      the dedication and the love,
      the simplicity and the candour,
      the willingness and gentleness,
      of Magdalene,
You, all of you victims of prostitution, what are you hungry
      and thirsty for?
What are we hungry and thirsty for?
A thirst to love greatly and be love,
A hunger to be someone, to be accepted,
      rather than, like an object, coveted.
To have the rich blessing of a home,
      and of a husband's companionship,
      to bring up sons and daughters.
To meet people who receive us without humiliating,
      who understand us without condemning,
To have the chance to develop our talents,
      our gifts, our feelings. . . .
As our right, in the name of justice, we want to be understood.
We are people, we are life!

And that is what we try to do at SafeHouse: to love our women, to let them know that they are not judged or condemned, to restore within them a sense of self worth. We respect their feelings and emotions and we draw from them the God given giftedness that each woman is.

Thank you for welcoming me to your community this morning.

If you would like to contact Siser Rosina or make a contribution to SafeHouse, the address is:
San Francisco SafeHouse
c/o 559 Ellis Street
San Francisco, CA 94109

[Sister Rosina Conrotto, PBVM is also Interim Director & Program Director of the Vallombrosa Retreat Center in Menlo Park.]

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