Readings

I Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.

Sissela Bok
To mature is in part to realize that while complete intimacy and omniscience and power cannot be had, self-transcendence, growth and closeness to others are nevertheless within one's reach.

Michael Durall:
... congregations that desire a stronger presence in their communities will find that possible through the membership's collective journey toward spiritual maturity. This is a journey upon which all members can be embarked, regardless of theology.

Peter Pan:
I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up. Not me!

Sermon

"Oh, grow up!" Maybe I'm not the only one who heard that at times - maybe quite a few times - in the years between elementary school and young adulthood. Clearly, my behavior was not meeting someone's expectations - often a friend or playmate. The message, usually dripping with derision, was supposed to get my attention and provoke some changes. Fast.

The words are effective because as children, we're filled with longing to be grown up - or more grown up. It's one of those things that seems so needed when everyone important is bigger, stronger smarter and more skilled than we are. It's like a distant, golden promise, and so can be used to remind us how far off the mark we are. Not that growth or change actually go away - despite all those stories that end with "lived happily ever after." The tales imply that we're supposed to grow up, get established and then enjoy our situation. But real life isn't like that.

Of course, the 1960s challenged the whole idea of being a grownup. "Don't trust anyone over 30!" clearly accused grownups of at least lacking vision and principle, and maybe of actually being our society's problems. Like Peter Pan, young activists saw only trouble in being an adult. Yet we all reach physical maturity and our lives change, like it or not. We find that whatever illusions we had, either about staying forever young or about independent, self-sufficient, ever-after adulthood, they are indeed illusions. Plenty of new challenges present themselves in our relationships, our work lives, our information and understanding and our spirits. And even though we stop getting taller - and eventually shrink back a bit - we have new physical conditions to address. Being grown up is ongoing, it's not a destination.

At the same time, we have a lot more choices, and a lot more responsibility. Each of us has much to say about what kind of person we will be. Our actions, perhaps more than our words, shape our minds, bodies and spirits. We can build increasing skills, cope with challenges and expand our understanding. We get plenty of advice about healthy diets, the need for exercise, the dangers of smoking and the need for sleep. We're told about workplace competencies and cultures. Older adults are reminded to keep our brains active with classes, activities and puzzles of different sorts. Self help shelves fill whole aisles of bookstores.

Of course, we don't have to take any of this advice to heart. We can neglect all of it, hoping or expecting that things will work out all right. Or we can work on some areas and neglect others. Recent economic problems have increased the number of Americans who are paying more attention to their financial knowledge - and habits. Those things didn't seem to need much attention a couple of years ago. A heart attack can dramatically focus our attention on the diet and exercise principles we've ignored.

It seems that we each find some areas easy and natural to address but struggle to maintain decent habits in others. You know what you find yourself neglected time and time again, or which temptations seem beyond your ability to resist. Chocolate, perhaps? Whatever your particular favorites - both positive and otherwise - we know that doing well in one part of our lives won't mean another part will be fine. Getting plenty of exercise will not keep your finances in order. Darn! Yet each area matters.

The same principles hold for our spiritual lives. And they are the concern of congregations like this one. That is not a "minister's only" secret. In fact, this is the annual Auction Sermon and the topic was chosen by last May's successful bidder. You, too, can have this opportunity to pick the preacher's topic, at the Auction later this spring. The date is April 24th this year, so mark your calendar. I have already turned in the form offering an Auction sermon and I hope you, too, are getting your forms filled out and turned in. The deadline is next Sunday. Sandy Romero is gathering them together and you wouldn't want to disappoint her. But back to our regular program, with the note that today's sermon topic was picked by John Swearingen, who's been inspired by Michael Durall's new book, The Almost Church Revitalized. We have some copies in our library and quite a few members own one and might loan it. Durall has some very interesting and challenging things to say.

Now, we were saying that spiritual development is the concern of churches like this one. Durall says that a lot of churches aren't very clear about that - that too often we sort of muddle along, doing what we do without asking why. He claims that the purpose of a church is to help people develop spiritual maturity. Like, be grownups! Well, let's talk about that.

First of all, I think it helps to ask some questions about being in a Unitarian Universalist congregation. You will remember that the UUA was formed when the American Unitarian Association and the Universalist Church of America merged in 1961. This congregation was already established as a Unitarian Fellowship at that time, though it wasn't very old yet. Now Universalists and Unitarians had a lot in common - or they never would have gotten together - but they also had some features that were quite distinct. The parts involving the organization of the new denomination and some of its practices were settled in the documents of merger.

But lots of questions remained about what it meant to be part of a combined religious group. Both "ancestors" had proud histories and cherished traditions. Both could be a bit prickly about their turf. And both had a stake in being different from the larger, better known denominations in America. A lot has been written about the tensions and dissatisfactions of our first few decades. And we still have members who were "single Us" - either Universalist or Unitarian - and have some opinions about how things went. Gradually, a new UU identity has come into being. A lot of us have only been "double Us" and we don't have the same attachment to the older forms and traditions.

A couple of years ago, during the Ministry Days that precede our General Assembly, I attended the annual President's meeting with the members of our Ministers Association. The format has the President give a sort of mini-State of the Association and then take questions. This particular year, Bill Sinkford pointed out that the Association was well past its 40th "birthday." He said that he thought institutions take longer to mature than people and that maybe the UUA was just coming out of its adolescence. He observed that we'd shown a lot of rebellion and a fair amount of negativity and it was time to spend more energy on developing our own character traits, shifting our focus from our internal issues to wider needs and being more active in our communities and our world.

I have remembered his comments off and on in the ensuing years, trying to understand what he meant and what implications might be important. I have wondered how his model might apply to this Fellowship - a little older, but not much, and with its own history and issues. Some of those issues parallel the UUA's, but not all. He asked us to assess our stage of development. In a way, it was a well- mannered version of that childhood cry - Oh, grow up! But that tempered approach calls us to be reflective rather than reactive. It calls us to give more attention and discernment to who and what we are and what is important. Those are questions of maturity.

Most Unitarian Universalists have come from other religious traditions or have had no particular church background. This means that we have ongoing work in figuring out who we are, who we want to be and how to use the riches and insights of the varied folks who come through our doors. After all, one of our principles calls us to accept one another and to encourage each other to spiritual growth. Now, I think that all our principles are deeper and more demanding than they first appear, but this one borders on being an oxymoron. Something like, you're OK, but you'd better change. Well, maybe not as blatant as that. More like, we welcome who you are and encourage you to be the best you can be.

Overall, I think we've done a bit better on the welcoming and acceptance than on the growing and becoming part. When we become UU, we are often leaving something we didn't like, so it's easy to get stuck in being reactive. We have found it easier to be clear about what we're not than about what we are. I think that's begun to change over the past ten years or so. We are more able to describe Unitarian Universalism in positive terms. Remember those elevator speeches? Are you practicing yours? In terms of Sinkford's challenge, I'd say our increasing clarity and confidence might be a sign that we're growing up.

What other things indicate spiritual maturity? I'd say one is a widening perspective of concern. Last week, I talked a little about generosity being something that develops as we grow. It's related to that widening view. As infants, we see only our own needs and wants, but gradually we become aware of others, especially family members and friends. Later, ideals and causes begin to claim our loyalties, and principles like honesty and integrity, compassion and justice become important. We're taught these things, of course, but we only gradually explore their meanings and internalize their implications.

Something like this process takes place with each newcomer in our congregations. We usually come because of a need. Perhaps we hope to make friends or we want a good program for our kids. But over time, we become part of the community and care about the other members more. We begin to internalize the principles of Unitarian Universalism and apply them in our daily lives. We get involved in the different services our congregation offer to those in need and develop a stake in the voice this church offers in the public conversation. We begin to commit to making it strong and lasting. We aren't the same as when we arrived. We've become more personally integrated, more caring and generous, and more widely active. We've grown and developed spiritually.

But we could be more intentional and articulate about all this. Durall says we need to do that, and to quit pretending that Unitarian Universalism is just a casual gathering for the times when we feel like coming. I know that I hung out at two different UU churches for years without becoming a member. There were several reasons, but one was that those congregations told me that being a member was just a matter of "signing the book." Well, I can tell you that I was suspicious. I wasn't fool enough to believe that was the whole story. And it isn't.

Those of you who have joined our Fellowship since I began to serve here know that I, and the Membership folks, are clear that we have four expectations of our members. [I realize this may be news to some of you longer term folks.] We expect that our members will attend services regularly. We say that we want each member to help with the work of the church in one way or another. We expect that members will be generous in their financial support and will commit to ongoing spiritual growth. We talk about those four in our Orientation sessions. When I read Durall's chapter on membership, I was delighted to see that his list is quite similar. He adds the expectation that members will talk about the church. It's not on our list, but maybe you remember my saying something about that.

If we really want to grow in spirit, we have to put in some effort, make some commitment. We've been wary about that at times, but it's no different from most things in life. If we want to be physically fit, we have to exercise regularly. If we want to be musicians: practice, practice, practice. If we want to learn a new skill or master a new field, we have to study and develop it. We can wish for these things, but the wishing won't make them happen. We have to have some self- discipline and make the effort.

What kinds of commitments am I talking about for spiritual development? Well, the four expectations, for starters. And attitudes of openness - of open heart and open mind - which are more of a challenge than we may think. A variety of time-honored practices help: meditation, journaling, times of silence, study, service, prayer, worship and celebration. Grappling with the fact that, as humans, we will at times be irritating, uncooperative or insensitive, and that we are still called to love each other. Finding ways to forgive, to let go of offence and re-engage, or to ask forgiveness when we know we've hurt someone. Taking steps, perhaps small at first, to become increasingly generous, or to speak and stand for justice. Engaging with a small group of other members to share insights, reflect and form deeper connections. Each of these practices is helpful.

Durall says our congregations should be about developing courage - the courage, fortitude and stamina to create better lives for ourselves and others. The idea is to empower and challenge us to act on our highest aspirations.

Two weeks ago, a group of us attended a workshop in Livermore. At one point we were asked to describe a metaphor or image of what our congregations might be. We heard several ideas before I said that I sometimes think our congregation is like an oasis: a place of life, growth and vitality in a dry landscape, welcoming all. Think swaying palm trees, deep springs and verdant gardens. Someone at another table muttered, "Sounds like a rest stop!" There was general laughter and I was a bit abashed.

But the more I thought about it, the more I returned to my image. It includes a lot of important factors. I don't want the church to be a residence or park and certainly not a hiding place - even a safe one. I want it to be a place that attracts and then nourishes, refreshes and re-energizes us. A place that strengthens us to go out and be good life partners, parents and friends, to be better neighbors and active citizens. This place should welcome all who come, value their gifts, learn the lessons offered and bring them along in working for the world. Our congregation should empower our living and challenge us to build the common good. It should help us see ourselves as active and responsible parts of the world's web of being. In other words, it should promote spiritual maturity. I hope we're doing that, and that we commit to doing it ever more fully.

One of the UUA's current slogans is "Nurture your spirit, Help heal the world." I like it quite a lot. It's simple and clear. You can remember it. And it carries a lot of great implications. I think it asks us to develop spiritual maturity as part of a congregation that helps us to be our best and to commit to blessing the world. I'd say that's worthy of effort and dedication. It offers us lives of connection, companionship and meaning. It's about being a grownup, in the best sense of the word.

March 7, 2010

This is one of our Minister's Sermons. We also have a brief biography of Rev. Simons, and the latest edition of Grace Notes, a column she writes for our newsletter.
We have another sermon collection, from our Guests.